simply me: 12 October

America’s next top designers and models:

Cowboy Landon

(yes I am fully aware that he has his finger up his nose)

Pampered 'Karate' Carter

Accessorized Eden

simply hilarious

LANDON (age 4)

"Eden, for your birthday I am going to eat lots of beans and buy you a fluffy monkey bra." (somebody tell me how disturbed I should be with this bra obsession)

"Our family has a lot of issues."

"You are making me want to say potty talk right now." Why do I want to make you talk naughty? "Because you asked me to bring the gel over to you!"

"You are 32? That is soooo old. I can't even count that high!"

Why did you pee on the carpet Landon? "Because I didn't stop and think about it, but next time I will!"

Landon what does your line leader sticker from preschool mean? "It means all the kids in my class followed me around all day. I took them to California."

"I am thinking a bad word right now. If I say it out loud am I going to get in trouble?"

How come you were sleeping so long? "I had to sleep till all my dreams came true." What did you want to come true? "I wanted to get enough beauty sleep to grow a beard."

"Dad, next time Carter needs his band aid changed, rip it off like a man!"

What do you want to be when you grow up? "I am going to be just a plain daddy who rides four wheelers and sells bras."

Look, that lady has a big baby in her tummy! "Mom, why did that lady eat her baby?"

You made a huge mess! With pride: "YES I DID!"

Lean over your plate when you take a bite. "Mom, you are being bossy and I don't need any more instructions. Is this when you call me a smart Alex?"

"Please bless us that we will be safe and that we won't end up floating in space."

"Hold on. I have to tell my brain something."

"Where is heaven on the map?"

"Dad, if you invite me to your birthday party I'll get you a canoe."

"My hands smell like a volcano!"

While saluting: "I'm on it Captain!"

"I know what Carter's middle name is! Farter!"

When I drop him off at a friend's house to play: "I really need a piece of gum because my breath stinks AND my hair is sticking up!"

"Eden, do you have a headache from going to school?"

"I am now going to give myself a wedgie!"

Carter was getting in trouble at the dinner table and Landon says under his breath, "Let's have a round of applause for Landon!"

"Mom, can we PLEASE wreck your minivan in a few days so we can get a red speed car? Please?"

"Dad, where are you?" In the bathroom. "Are you taking a dump?"

"My girlfriend is bigger than me."

Landon, if you open the door while I am going to the bathroom I am going to give you a spank. "A big one or a little one?"

"I want to smell my breath."

"I am not going to be happy until your minivan turns into a jetski."

"Just one more cuddle and then you can take care of the dishes, ok mom?"

Landon, why aren't you wearing any underwear? "I don't like underwear and I am not going to wear them EVERYday!"

"Where is the green paint for the love of Pete?"

To dad at bedtime: "That is enough cuddles. Mommy is coming."

"Santa Claus is bringing me a baby brother and a remote control boat." What if he brings you a baby sister? "Then I'll just send her back."

While Trick or Treating: "That lady hooked me up!"

"Cuddle me far away. Your breath is stinky."

"When you put gel in my hair my haircut gets all mixed up!"

Landon, go to bed! "I can't! My pillow is not working."

"Don't be a punk, mom!" Landon, don't say that it's not nice. "Then Mom, don't be a terd!"

"Ow! Owww! OUCH!!" What's wrong? "I am pulling my hair!"

What do you want to be when you grow up? "I want to be just like Carter!"

"Mom, that is enough talking."

I was struggling to put on a skirt I hadn’t worn in a while and I looked down and saw Landon staring at me with a puzzled look on his face. “Do you need me help you, mom?”

A lady at the store that was talking to Landon said, "You are so cute, and what is your name?" With a big ol' smile Landon proudly answered, "TROUBLE!"

Landon, what am I going to do with you? "Nothing because I am the cutest boy in the world!"

CARTER (age 6)

"Eden, for your birthday I am going to name my special freckle after you."

Name 5 things you love about yourself: "I'm cool, my muscles, my leg muscles (does that count?), I'm funny, I have a mom and dad who like to cuddle me, and I have a lot of friends."

"Don't worry mom. I asked Santa for all the expensive presents so you can have more money."

While holding a bowling pin above his head, "Landon, come here. I am NOT going to hit you with a bowling pin!"

"Lick kissing is against the rules, Landon!"

"Mom, you're the bomb.com!"

"Matthew's girlfriend is hot! I think I love her." (Oh dear)

"I've been in this world a looong time." Well, what do you think? "I think that was a really weird question you just asked me."

I love you, Carter. "FYI: I hear that a LOT."

"This is my ladies personality: (in a slow low voice) Hey Ladies, come and get me."

"Mom, someone was ringing on your phone!"

"I am going to have a girlfirend as cute as Aunt Ruth and she is going to like me back!"

"Mom, you're the one causing all the drama!"

"When I look at my rockstar jammies they make me want to dance!"

"Mom, why are your toes getting so so skinny?" Is the rest of me getting skinny? "Um, no."

"Eden, are you lonely?"

"I recognize those tickles, Dad!"

"...and please bless Santa Claus to get here safely and his reindeer that they might have the energy and strength to fly."

Landon, you have to wear underwear to bed. Everyone wears underwear to bed. "Na-uh! I bet the Lamanites never wore underwear to bed!"

"Can I have another cookie?" No. You've already had 2. "If you give me three I promise I will be quiet for a LOOOONG time!"

"My favorite hair is ponytails." How come? "Because that's the way the cheerleaders wear it."

Carter, you just dumped all the salt out! "Well, it's okay. You can just clean it up."

"What should I do if I want to be a giant when I grow up?"

"Mom, I want to take you out to dinner for your birthday but I can't drive yet."

"I love to exercise!" What do you like to do? "Watch the video."

"Mom, I will pay you a hundred bucks if you'll be nice!"

"Daaaad, stop tickling me!" Why? "Because I am going to run out of laughs!"

"Can I take a shower?" Why? "Because I am all sweaty from pushing a really big poopie out!"

"Aunt Megan, I have to go potty!" Number 1 or 2? "I have to go 100!"

"...and please bless the bug sprayer guy that he will get here safely."

EDEN (age 8)

"OooOooOoogre face. My Ogre face." Um, you know it says POKER face, right? "For real?"

"Can I introduce you to a new friend? Everyone, I would like for you to meet Mr. Midget Pencil. We are very close. Mom, he means a lot to me. Please don't throw him away."

"We are going to have a dance party every night so we can be on YouTube!"

"Dad, these milkshakes are awesome! I can totally tell you worked at Wendy's."

"Where does Santa Claus get all that money for presents? Our taxes?"

"That is annoying and freaky on so many levels!"

"Carter, you better get over here before mom's head blows off!"

"Chocolate cake! My one and only true love!" (to which Damian replies, "If you treat it like that it really is going to be.")

"...and please bless my mom to have more patience..."

"Dad, come eat dinner with us and you should probably put on some clothes that match."

"I do trust you mom, just not with chocolate!"

"I don’t want to be on the swim team." Why not? "I don’t want to be around all those boys swimming in girl underwear!"

"There is something really wrong about that bug!" What? "It’s too BIG!"

When I asked her opinion on a shirt I was trying on: "It looks cute if you want to buy it and then go on a diet."

simply me

October 12, 2008

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