Nose Nonsense...

I had my follow up ENT appointment today. Looks like I will be getting a septoplasty sometime in the near future. Breathing good is nice and all, but couldn’t they at least make my schnoze look a little more flattering while I’m knocked out? I have to say I was a little disappointed since I thought that when this inevitable surgery happened one day that I would be beautified. Apparently that would involve taking my nose off my face, a hammer and chisel, two months of recovery, black eyes and thousands of dollars. Who knew? C’mon, can’t they just leave it on and whack it a little if I promised a generous tip? Septoplasty, Rhinoplasty…big difference. I bet my insurance company wouldn’t even notice. Looks like I’m stuck with my ‘when did you break your nose?’ nose. Bummer.

Have you ever heard the story about the lady who was in a terrible accident? Ok, so I am sure, unfortunately, that there have been lots of ladies in bad accidents…

After she died she told the angels waiting for her that she wasn’t ready yet. They agreed and sent her back to finish her life on earth. While in the hospital recovering, she decided that since she had a confirmation that she would be alive a while longer she might as well take advantage of the situation and get that plastic surgery done that she always wanted.

After a few more weeks recovering from her glamification, she was released from the hospital. As she was crossing the street, she stopped to admire her beautifully transformed reflection in the window of a parked car. Unfortunately, she was so taken with her image that she neglected to see the bus barreling down the street and was hit and killed.

(And you are asking yourself why I would share such a twisted story? My answer: Don’t go and get your panties in a wad just yet.)

When she got to heaven she told the angels they had made a mistake. She explained that she had just died a few weeks earlier and they sent her back because it wasn’t her time yet. The angels looked at each other amused and just said, “Aw Girl! We didn’t even recognize you!”

This makes me feel better because:

1. I have been around for 30 years with my old nose and I haven’t been all that naughty, so

I think I want to be recognized when I get hit by a bus…or whatever.

2. I think it is funny.

Oh, and I made some invitations for Ruth’s bridal shower today and despite my nose drama they turned out cute. (Oh, back off! I deserve a little tooting my own horn after all that nose-nonsense.)