Que is mi problema?

The house is empty, laundry is caught up, my kitchen is all sparkly, I have refreshed my email inbox and checked facebook status updates one too many times more than I care to admit, AND there is homemade granola in the oven. What? I know.

This whole having a little time to myself thing feels...uncomfortable. I should be rejoicing, right? I mean, I have earned a little P&Q! R&R should be my middle name after the past few weeks we’ve had. I do admit to singing a strain of the hallelujah chorus this morning and went back to bed for a bit after all the chicks had left the roost, but then it was like...quiet.

I’m used to the noise dictating where I go and what I do next. The phone rings- I answer it. A fight breaks out in a corner of the house- I go referee. Someone is hungry- I make snacks. A kid

cries- I’m emerge from nowhere armed with the loves. It sounds like a hole is being drilled trough the floor from the boys room- there I go. I’ve got all those mom things down pat. I earned my patch. But the silence thing has really thrown me for a loop!

Don’t you worry about me though. I will figure something out. As for now, this computer was staring at me and guilted me to it’s keys to type something besides an email. See, I’m doing it. Layoff the guilt already, Mr. Apple! It has been over a year since I completed a journal or blog entry. Sad. Especially since anyone who has a conversation with me knows I have no memory, so it is as if the past year has been almost wiped from the history of the Vests. Sorry bout that.

I have had the hardest time just wanting to sit down and type. It used to be a

release. A way to relax. Not no mo. I’m not sure if it is the fact that I can confess to having completely incoherent thoughts (some of them in limited, broken and incorrect Spanish) and am frightened to attempt to put them together OR just that I am hiding from the outside world. Either way, I am here now! Maybe I will try to backtrack and hit some highlights, and maybe I won’t. (I’m not in an emotionally stable enough state to make a commitment like that.)

There, I did it! Post on blog can now be checked off my list! The 'time to myself' rehab has begun. Wish me luck in finding my way and doing something trendy like ‘rediscovering’ myself when all I really want to do is go pick up my kids and love on them like there is no tomorrow. I guess I’ll have to settle for a bowl of granola.